My World of Dreams & Wishes-

Friday, May 18, 2007
-8:49 PM-

Hey all!
Sorry I haven't been posting for such a long time! It's proabably been a month or so now. Lately I've sort of lost my inspiration to write. You see... erm... how should I put it? Ok... erm.. well basically I haven't been getting english flares... I don't why why either. I'm mostly getting chinese flares now a days haha. Anyway, YES the holidays are here... well at least they are coming. Next week's all learning journey so yeah.. no need to study so HURRAY! Somehow I'm more excited about the holidays and the hanging out with my friends than the trip to M'sia. I don't know why either. Maybe because my confidence in squash has been crushed into small little bite sized pieces. About 2 weeks ago, I had great confidence in myself. I felt that I actually had some standard... maybe not alot but still a little standard... I had so much confidence that it may have even come to the point of being egoistic. Sadly, I've lost all this confidence in a matter of 2 weeks. Why, might you ask? Because of 2 wonderful guys in my life! One is none other than my brother whom I played with like a month ago and I wasn't really in the squash mood then when I played with him so I played somewhat crappish. He started criticising me and yeah.. I lost like 40% of my confidence. The second person had a somwhat greater impact on my confidence and this person is a guy from my bible study named Gavin Lai. I was actually really looking forward to playing with him to see... how good I was at squash. At first when I played with him, it was really fun... and well I though my squash skills were about him standard which made me feel really good inside. But later on as I thought to myself, I realised that he had actually given me chance... well at least I feel so. That really crushed my confidence. I mean... if he had trash me then, it would have been bad but giving me chance is much worse. It made me feel so pathetic! I mean think about it... it is as if I am so lousy to the extent that he has to give chance to me. I mean... of course I don't think he felt this way. He probably gave chance to me to not make me feel bad about myself...but sadly it didn't work and instead, it made me feel even worse. It didn't make me feel better when I won Mr Khoo on mon. I mean I was absolutely elated at first cause I felt honoured to be the only one, besides Rachel, to win him but later when I came to think of it, it was probably just my luck. So right now, my confidence level in squash is a very low 10% and this really isn't the best time to have this kind of confidence... the competitions are coming up! I need as much confidence as I can get! Oh and to make this worse, I found out that in milo, I had to compete in the under 15 category! Just great right? But at least Yvonnie is also in that category.Blame it on my birthday! 7th January! It's just saddening! Now, I have to like compete with my seniors and OBVIOUSLY, I'll lose unless that senior is playing really badly then yeah. It would be even worse if I had to play with someone from M'sia or some other country! I'll probably lose like 0-9, 0-9, 0-9!!!! So yeah... I'm feeling quite inferior right now but lets move on to happier issues! The holls are coming!!! I'm definitely gona spend my time this holiday WATCHING CHINESE DRAMA SERIES!!! haha:D Oh and I'm gona finish my cross stitch too. I've been putting that one off for like a year now! I'm determined to complete it. Well actually when you come to think of it, I don't exactly have much time during my holls cause 3/7 days I'm having squash, I'm having piano and 3 other tuitions. Then the milo trip, CIP and of course hanging out with friends. Oh btw talking about hanging out with friends, anyone one of you wana hang out with me during the holls? Make an appointment with me ok? My schedule is getting full! haha:D But yeah.. if you are free during the holls, maybe you would like to hang out with me?Oh esp if you have left MG! I wana catch up with you! haha:D Yeah.. so thats probably gona be how I spend my holidays. Can't wait! XD

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